Braving The Waters

Holy cow, it's been 5 years!  When I decided to begin writing a blog I wasn’t really sure what it would look like. I sent several possible “this is what/how I am going to do with this blog” to some friends to get their opinions. They all responded with “these all sound good, just pick one”.  I guess I never really picked one. For a while I tried to write every day but something always came up that didn’t allow me the time I needed to get it done. So then I tried once a week, that didn’t always work either. Over the past 5 years I have written very sporadically mostly when something significant happened in my life(important anniversaries, ridiculous or ironic conversations in grocery store lines, unexpected death or change) Never consistent and never what any of my original plans looked like. I decided to look at the stats. There are at least 15 people who read this blog every.single.time something is posted. That is awesome, thanks for coming back! As I looked at th...

As the first week of sabbatical ends I reflect on my time. I spent it with family and friends, sharing in laughter and hugs, food and festivities, and unforgettable memory making! I’ve prayed, read, and sat in the beauty of God’s creation. I caught up on TV shows I hadn’t watched in a while and saw an incredible play (staring one of my most favorite people in the world). It is hard to believe the first week is over but the adventure is just beginning! Week Two (8/8-8/15) Hope for the week: I hope as I leave for 3 weeks at St Mary By the Sea, I continue to remain open to God’s voice in my life. Is there an Answer (last week’s question): Where will I see God unexpectedly this week? God showed up unexpectedly in a conversation with one of the sisters I ate lunch with at St. Joseph Convent/Retreat Center. It was the anniversary of the day she took her vows to become a nun. It was inspiring, reassuring, and most definitely God-filled.   Question of the Week: How wi...

Today began my 2 month sabbatical. A time of reflection, relaxation, study, discernment, rest, renewal...I will explain more as the weeks pass by. It is a time to disconnect from "my world" and reconnect to God and my calling as a minister within the Body of Christ. However, it is unrealistic for me to totally stay away from social media and technology because well…if you’ve met me you know the answer to that. However I will be significantly limiting my use of all things electronic over the next 2 months. I will not be responding to emails, I will not(unless you have been otherwise notified) be answering phone calls or text messages, and I will not be spending much time on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram except to post the occasional picture, blog post, or significant update. I hope that limiting my time with these avenues of communication will allow me to truly be in the moment!  I have many hopes for this sabbatical and I want to share them with you as I go along...

As some of you might already know I am gearing up for a 2 month sabbatical. I will be working on a writing project as part of this sabbatical. I have created two surveys to help me with this project. I would invite you, if you are reading this blog, to click on the links below and fill them out! Your help is much appreciated. If you are a member of my congregation and you read this blog, if I try to give you a paper copy of these same surveys and you HONESTLY have already filled them out online, just tell me and I won't "make" you fill them out again! Either way,  I ask that you fill out the surveys with an open mind and an open heart, allowing yourself to reflect on your current worship practices.  It is my hope, from these surveys, to create a worship resource for individuals and families to grow in their spiritual life. This resource will have common and perhaps uncommon spiritual practices that will encourage you to grow in your prayer and worship life. I hope this r...

The turning point I often catch myself think “what if” when I reflect on major turning points in my life. What if I had chosen Hiram over Mount Union when I was deciding what college to go to? What if I had stayed home the summer of 2003 instead of working at Camp Cedar ?  What if I had gone to United Seminary instead of Lexington ? What if…what if… What if the disciples had gotten it the first time Jesus tried to tell them what was going to happen to him? What if God had decided there was another way when Jesus prayed in the garden? Perhaps you, like I, spend a good bit of time on the “what ifs” when we really don't need to. When we find ourselves at a turning point and we have weighed all the what if’s and might be’s and make the decision to go left, right, forward, backward, or stand still…that then becomes the known, not the what if. The turning point has past and we are now headed in a new and different direction than before. For me, Wednesday of Holy Week...

Some might say I am too young to know have experienced real heartache. Others might say I’m too sensitive and I need to toughen up. But those who know me best (you know who you are) might tell you that if you come into my life and you need love, I will passionately and enthusiastically give it to you. I love to the extreme and without measure and because of this often experience heartache. Obviously, different kinds of people receive different kinds of love from me but regardless of the kind of love you receive it will often be to the extremist of degrees. I don’t love the stranger who comes into my office needing gas money or groceries the same way that I love my family. I don’t love my family the same way I love my dog. You get the point. While I love fervidly and sometimes without much regard to my own well-being, my love is never lackadaisical or careless even if that sounds like a contradiction in terms. When another person’s heart or well-being are on the line, I try never ...

I don’t want to whine and complain. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the rest I do get, because this statement of “I’m tired” is not really about my physical body being tired. While it is tired on occasion because I stay up too late and get up too early, this tiredness that I am feeling goes deeper, into the depths of my soul. So maybe I should say “my soul is tired” My soul tired of holding on. My soul is tired of constantly rearranging my life so that it works for others. My soul is tired of hearing that God has abandoned us. My soul is tired of seeing pain in the lives of those I love. My soul is tired of continually searching for a way to rest. Because I am aware that my soul is tired I am also aware that I am the only one who can find the rest I need for myself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). So While my soul is tired of holding on- I seek to find healthy ways to let go. And while my soul is tired of rearranging my life- I work toward...

Over the past 10 years of pastoral ministry I have had the privilege to sit behind several Communion Tables. To preside at the Lord’s Supper is, I think, one of the most extraordinary things a minister can lead for her congregation. In lifting and break the bread and lifting and pouring the cup, reminding all who are gathered what Christ did for each of them, a minister is given the opportunity to look out into the heart of the congregation. In those moments after the Elders have distributed the trays to the Diaconate (in my tradition we pass trays filled with pieces of bread and cups of juice) I have been given the special opportunity to look everyone participating in worship. Over the years I have seen couples holding hands, children kneeling on the floor coloring a page from worship totes, mothers and grandmothers holding new babies, and others siting like statues eyes closed deep in prayer…or maybe they are asleep. I don’t watch the congregation in a creepy “I’m watching you” k...

It has been some time since I read the poem The Invitationby Oriah Mountian Dreamer .  So I read it again this morning as I thought about a conversation I had last night. As I read it and reread it, the last few stanzas caught my attention. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. I have not always been able to stand in the fire and not shrink back. I have not always been able to put a name to what sustains me when everything else in my life fails. I have not always been comfortable enough in my own skin to be alone and enjoy my own company. However over time I have...

The day started like any other day off from that summer at Camp Cedar . We loaded into 2 cars and headed to Portland for a day of fun. Time to unwind from the crazy and chaotic world of camp! The day was perfect not super hot but sunny with a nice breeze, perfect for Maine I would say. We decided to go back to camp earlier than normal to enjoy some of the 4th of July festivities that had been planned for camp that day. I was sitting down by the lake with some other counselors when my friend Matt came to tell me I was needed in the main house office. I walked in the office and all the heads of staff were sitting there with solemn looks on their faces. First I thought something had happened to my brother. He walked in the room just as the thought passed through my mind. I don't remember who said it but I remember what they said. Those words "you have a phone call from home" echo in my ears even now. When I picked up the receiver I expected to hear my dad on the oth...

picture found through google image search How do you pray? This might seem like a silly question to some. It might be extremely difficult for others. It might be a question that has never or rarely entered your mind. So take a minute (or 2 or 3 or…) and think about it- How do you pray? Do you sit in the silence of the morning before everyone else in your family is awake or maybe the quiet of the evening when they have all gone to bed? Do you curl up with your Bible and your favorite praise CD or pick up your journal and head for a secluded place that no one knows but you? Do you stand at the sink praying something new with each dish that you wash or maybe with each step on the treadmill you utter your words to God? When I was little, early elementary age, I prayed by repeating after whichever person had the honor of teaching my unruly Sunday school class or by folding my hands when we were at the table waiting for my mom or dad to say ‘amen’ so we could eat. As I got ...

from churchart.com  Do you ever see someone doing something or hear someone say something and think “seriously…why. Why would you do that or say that…?” Do you ever wonder how some people have made it to where they are in life? Do you ever question how you have made it to where you are in life? Do you ever wish that you could change someone else’s attitude or thought process? Do you ever wonder how things would be if you had done one thing differently 5 or maybe 10 years ago? Just this morning I think almost all of these questions passed through my mind. What is that I hear from you, is that a resounding YES! Glad to know I am not alone. What are other things you wonder about? I wonder how my life would be different if I hadn't listened to the voices of those around me saying that I should explore the idea of vocational ministry. I wonder where I would be if I had, in my stubborn nature, continued on my way to become a band/choir director. I ...

Picture from Churchart.com  While I was in seminary I drove past the same church every day on my way to and from campus. For a short time their front marquee read “If you want a better Pastor…PRAY for the one you have.” Every time I drove past that sign I thought “duh, shouldn't people already be doing that? What a concept.” As I silently watched flipping from CNN.com to my Facebook news feed the words of that church sign scrolled through my mind: “If you want a better Pastor…Pray for the one you have.”   As I read words like “great…we’re screwed!” or “I’m moving out of the country, I can’t believe this happened.” As well as things like “Take that Romney-better luck NOT next time.” or “4 more years to ‘shut the other guys’ up- GO OBAMA!” (These are all paraphrased as not to call anyone out) .  In a country that seemingly prides itself on being Christian, can you tell me where in those statements Christ can be found? If when you w...

Sometimes it is hard to be me. I don't say that because, I have a terrible life or because I wish I had more of what I already have. I say it because at the depths of who I am (mind,body,spirit) it is hard to be me- a contemplative person in a chaotic and havoc stricken world.  It is hard to be me in a world that is always on the verge of something-bigger, better, more productive than yesterday. It is hard to be who you are when who you are is a person who does not always want to be on the verge of something bigger and better but wants to appreciate the now before moving onto “the next”. Plain and simple, it is hard. Every once in a while I try to be different than who I think I am. I try to move onto the next big thing before I have fully appreciated what it is I was doing before. I try to not care about people and things that are happening in society (because it would seem that caring about these things SLOWS down the next big thing). I try to do things that I see o...

picture from churchart.com Our best intentions sometimes leave us tired, worn out, and struggling to make everything “happen”. We intend to do this or do that, we make promises and then…it happens. LIFE, life happens and some of the promises and commitments we make fall further and further down on our “to do” list. We only do the essential, enough to get by and still feel like we have done something. It might not happen often but when it does it frustrates us, discourages us, and downright puts us in a mood that isn't pleasant for anyone. We live in a world of over commitment and little follow through. I (even on my best day) can attest to being very over committed to “stuff” and can sometimes do the minimum to “make it work”. If we are aware of this behavior, how is it we continue to fall prey to its vicious cycle? How do we get out of it? How to we stop over committing and therefore falling behind and still feel like we aren't lazy, worthless, or unimpo...

picture from churchart.com Ironically “food for thought” day falls on World Food Day, at least according to my church planning calendar. Did you wake up this morning with your stomach growling and think “I hope I find something to eat today.”?  Have you been preoccupied today thinking about where your next meal will come from? Are you kept awake at night praying about what your children during the summer when they aren’t in school for two meals a day? The reality is that perhaps some who read this blog can answer yes to one or all of the questions above. The other reality is that the rest of us can’t, even on our worst day, answer yes to the questions above. Food is bountiful and scant all at the same time. There are some who through food away by the plateful because they cannot fit anymore into their body and there are others who pray that they get to a restaurant dumpster before someone else. World Food Day- there is a website http://www.worldfooddayusa.org/ LOAD...

picture from churchart.com My prayer this week is not my own but is a song entitled “The Blessing” by Celtic Woman. I spent the day at a spiritual retreat center and this is the song that kept coming to my mind. I wanted to share it with you (whoever reads this blog) In the morning when you rise I bless the sun, I bless the skies I bless your lips, I bless your eyes My blessing goes with you In the night time when you sleep Oh, I bless you while a watch I keep As you lie in slumber deep My blessing goes with you   This is my prayer for you There for you, ever true Each every day for you In everything you do And when you come to me And hold me close to you I bless you And you bless me too When your weary heart is tired If the world would leave you uninspired When nothing more of love's desire My blessing goes with you   When the storms of life are strong When you're wounded, when you don't belong When...

picture from churchart.com Unifying God, draw us closer to your Spirit this week that we might draw closer to you. Help us to see you everywhere we look. Help us to invite others to your welcome table so they can experience the love we know through you.   Grant us your grace today and always as we face the week to come. Amen.

Picture from churchart.com Sometimes but not always we need to let our brains shut out the stresses of life. I say sometimes but not always because never letting yourself become at least a little stressed is just as bad as being overly stressed all the time (at least in my book). Sometimes we need to take a step back. Sometimes we need to turn off our phones, our computers, and our television sets and just be. Sometimes we need to walk away. Sometimes we need to not think or plan or do but we just need to be. Now “just being” can sometimes but not always be just as stressful as all the stresses of life. Our mind wonders back to the things we shut off. We want to look at the text messages and phone calls we are ignoring, the Facebook updates we have missed, and the ridiculous commercials and reality TV we miss when we shut off and disconnect. We don’t want to just look at them we also want to respond. Sometimes not always maybe the world doesn’t need to hear/read what w...

picture from churchart.com What if we ACTUALLY spent time LIVING the way we have come to understand Jesus’ teachings in our lives and less time TALKING about why others don’t understand like we do? What if we spent more time SEEING Christ IN others and less time blindly searching for the “best” way TO BE the face of Christ TO others? What if we were so ALIVE in the Holy Spirit that no matter what we did people couldn’t help but know our faith is in something great than us? What if we STOPPED dreaming about the church of the past and STARTED living out the church of today? What if… You made your faith in Christ known to those around you What if… You spent just one hour every day seeing Christ in someone else What if… You let the Spirit of God move your life instead of trying to move it on your own What if… What if…