Braving The Waters

It has been some time since I read the poem The Invitationby Oriah Mountian Dreamer .  So I read it again this morning as I thought about a conversation I had last night. As I read it and reread it, the last few stanzas caught my attention. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. I have not always been able to stand in the fire and not shrink back. I have not always been able to put a name to what sustains me when everything else in my life fails. I have not always been comfortable enough in my own skin to be alone and enjoy my own company. However over time I have learned that I

My heart hangs heavy now. I see people close to me hurting and there is nothing I can do to make it stop. Nothing I can say, nothing I can do will ever change the unspeakable events of yesterday(1/9/14).   This is not about me however; as I write you might think “she is making this about her”. That is not my intention at all because I know that there is nothing I can say and nothing I can do to ever make this day better for a family who is grieving the loss of a son, brother, nephew, cousin, and friend. I have been dating my boyfriend Justin for just over 3 years which means I have also known his family for just over 3 years. The first time I met the whole family was 4 th of July weekend 2011. He had told me about his cousins Wade and Clark. I thought I was prepared to meet them, I thought I was ready-smile on, hand extended, about to say hello- the first words out of his cousin Clark’s mouth “family doesn't shake hands family gotta hug”. Fast forward to Christmas