Braving The Waters

Some might say I am too young to know have experienced real heartache. Others might say I’m too sensitive and I need to toughen up. But those who know me best (you know who you are) might tell you that if you come into my life and you need love, I will passionately and enthusiastically give it to you. I love to the extreme and without measure and because of this often experience heartache. Obviously, different kinds of people receive different kinds of love from me but regardless of the kind of love you receive it will often be to the extremist of degrees. I don’t love the stranger who comes into my office needing gas money or groceries the same way that I love my family. I don’t love my family the same way I love my dog. You get the point. While I love fervidly and sometimes without much regard to my own well-being, my love is never lackadaisical or careless even if that sounds like a contradiction in terms. When another person’s heart or well-being are on the line, I try never

I don’t want to whine and complain. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the rest I do get, because this statement of “I’m tired” is not really about my physical body being tired. While it is tired on occasion because I stay up too late and get up too early, this tiredness that I am feeling goes deeper, into the depths of my soul. So maybe I should say “my soul is tired” My soul tired of holding on. My soul is tired of constantly rearranging my life so that it works for others. My soul is tired of hearing that God has abandoned us. My soul is tired of seeing pain in the lives of those I love. My soul is tired of continually searching for a way to rest. Because I am aware that my soul is tired I am also aware that I am the only one who can find the rest I need for myself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). So While my soul is tired of holding on- I seek to find healthy ways to let go. And while my soul is tired of rearranging my life- I work toward

Over the past 10 years of pastoral ministry I have had the privilege to sit behind several Communion Tables. To preside at the Lord’s Supper is, I think, one of the most extraordinary things a minister can lead for her congregation. In lifting and break the bread and lifting and pouring the cup, reminding all who are gathered what Christ did for each of them, a minister is given the opportunity to look out into the heart of the congregation. In those moments after the Elders have distributed the trays to the Diaconate (in my tradition we pass trays filled with pieces of bread and cups of juice) I have been given the special opportunity to look everyone participating in worship. Over the years I have seen couples holding hands, children kneeling on the floor coloring a page from worship totes, mothers and grandmothers holding new babies, and others siting like statues eyes closed deep in prayer…or maybe they are asleep. I don’t watch the congregation in a creepy “I’m watching you” k

I discovered it this morning, a small lake forming in my backyard and on my patio. It will be interesting to let my dog out in the morning when the temperature drops below freezing again tonight and the lake becomes an ice rink. It reached 46°F today. Of course some people thought it was summer and left their coats and the bottom half of their pants (they seriously had shorts on) at home.  I am thinking in the next few weeks as everything continues to thaw and refreeze and thaw again it might be a good idea to keep your long pants where you can find them, your coat readily accessible, and if like me your backyard is turning into a lake or small pond you will be given the prime opportunity to teach your dog to skate on the ice and swim in the lake. Regardless of what the weather does over the next few weeks remember that no matter what- Spring will be here on March 20th!

It has been some time since I read the poem The Invitationby Oriah Mountian Dreamer .  So I read it again this morning as I thought about a conversation I had last night. As I read it and reread it, the last few stanzas caught my attention. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. I have not always been able to stand in the fire and not shrink back. I have not always been able to put a name to what sustains me when everything else in my life fails. I have not always been comfortable enough in my own skin to be alone and enjoy my own company. However over time I have learned that I

My heart hangs heavy now. I see people close to me hurting and there is nothing I can do to make it stop. Nothing I can say, nothing I can do will ever change the unspeakable events of yesterday(1/9/14).   This is not about me however; as I write you might think “she is making this about her”. That is not my intention at all because I know that there is nothing I can say and nothing I can do to ever make this day better for a family who is grieving the loss of a son, brother, nephew, cousin, and friend. I have been dating my boyfriend Justin for just over 3 years which means I have also known his family for just over 3 years. The first time I met the whole family was 4 th of July weekend 2011. He had told me about his cousins Wade and Clark. I thought I was prepared to meet them, I thought I was ready-smile on, hand extended, about to say hello- the first words out of his cousin Clark’s mouth “family doesn't shake hands family gotta hug”. Fast forward to Christmas