Sometimes it is hard to
be me. I don't say that because, I have a terrible life or because I wish I had
more of what I already have. I say it because at the depths of who I am
(mind,body,spirit) it is hard to be me- a contemplative person in a chaotic and
havoc stricken world.
It is hard to be me in
a world that is always on the verge of something-bigger, better, more
productive than yesterday. It is hard to be who you are when who you are is a
person who does not always want to be on the verge of something bigger and
better but wants to appreciate the now before moving onto “the next”. Plain and
simple, it is hard.
Every once in a while I
try to be different than who I think I am. I try to move onto the next big
thing before I have fully appreciated what it is I was doing before. I try to not
care about people and things that are happening in society (because it would
seem that caring about these things SLOWS down the next big thing). I try to do
things that I see others doing to keep current, relevant, and “cool”. For as
long as I can…I try.
I try the things above
from time to time and more often now I do them to make sure that I am still me.
At the end of the day after trying to not be me I discover that I am me, even
when it is hard. I am still someone who will sit with someone for hours to talk
about life until they are done talking because in those hours that conversation
is the “big thing” I am supposed to experience. I am still someone who will
always care about the people in her life and the things happening in her
community because they are ALWAYS more important than anything else. I am still
someone who hangs out at coffee shops not because she is “retro” or “cool” but
because she really likes coffee.
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