Being Me

Sometimes it is hard to be me. I don't say that because, I have a terrible life or because I wish I had more of what I already have. I say it because at the depths of who I am (mind,body,spirit) it is hard to be me- a contemplative person in a chaotic and havoc stricken world. 

It is hard to be me in a world that is always on the verge of something-bigger, better, more productive than yesterday. It is hard to be who you are when who you are is a person who does not always want to be on the verge of something bigger and better but wants to appreciate the now before moving onto “the next”. Plain and simple, it is hard.

Every once in a while I try to be different than who I think I am. I try to move onto the next big thing before I have fully appreciated what it is I was doing before. I try to not care about people and things that are happening in society (because it would seem that caring about these things SLOWS down the next big thing). I try to do things that I see others doing to keep current, relevant, and “cool”. For as long as I can…I try.

I try the things above from time to time and more often now I do them to make sure that I am still me. At the end of the day after trying to not be me I discover that I am me, even when it is hard. I am still someone who will sit with someone for hours to talk about life until they are done talking because in those hours that conversation is the “big thing” I am supposed to experience. I am still someone who will always care about the people in her life and the things happening in her community because they are ALWAYS more important than anything else. I am still someone who hangs out at coffee shops not because she is “retro” or “cool” but because she really likes coffee.

Sometimes it is hard to be me but I wouldn't trade my contemplative disposition for anything because at the end of the day, I am glad to know me.