Braving The Waters

 This past Thursday November 5th, was 10 years since I posted my very first blog here. I have been very sporadic in my writing. I have not gained a huge following and that is ok with me. I started this space as a space for me. A space to reflect, to share, to my own insight(often because it differs with where the congregation I am serving stands on some things). I do hope it is a space for those who follow and those who happen upon it, are able engage in some way. Even if that engagement is to say, "I don't agree".  As I continue on my journey of becoming a spiritual director, I hope this space will become one where people can spend time in their own reflection, meditation and prayer. I hope to offer more opportunity for anyone who reads this to engage in an active prayer life.  Here is a reflective vespers service I wrote for this year's Women's retreat for the Christian Church (DOC) in the Upper Midwest. This was a closing vespers service but could be used at an...

I am an internal processor. I am a contemplative person who needs time to think before I speak. Unless we’ve been friends for more than a year, you probably think I don’t talk very much. My silence often gets me in trouble because my silence is often interpreted that I don’t care. One group has decided that I don’t care and therefore stand, complicit, with the oppressive force. Others think my silence means I am complacent and don’t care enough to even make a comment. The problem however is that I do care, it just takes me too long to get my thoughts together and by the time I have them ready, it’s too late. But it’s not too late. It is never too late to stand up against something that is wrong. It is never to late to stand up for something you believe in. Over the past week I have done a lot of reading, a lot of observing, a lot of praying, and a lot of weeping. Reading, observing, praying, weeping… Communities of color don’t need my tears, They don’t need me to stand to the side and ...

 It is hard to believe that a decade has passed since I stood in front of a church filled with my family and friends and said the vows that brought me into the Order of Christian Ministry. Time flies even if all of it hasn’t been fun. The past 10 years have been a roller coaster . The past 10 years have been terrifying. The past 10 years have been exciting. The past 10 years have been exhausting. The past 10 years have been overwhelming. The past 10 years have been amazing. I thought on my 5 th anniversary I wrote a blog about the top 5 things from the first 5 years but I must have dreamed it or not posted it or somehow lost it on the inter-webs  (according to some people that can happen you know hahaha). So this year in honor of my 10 th anniversary I would like to share 10 of my favorite memories from the last 10 years. It’s a pretty generic list because there is no way to boil 10 years of ministry into 10 exact memories, so here they are. 10 memories. ...

Holy cow, it's been 5 years!  When I decided to begin writing a blog I wasn’t really sure what it would look like. I sent several possible “this is what/how I am going to do with this blog” to some friends to get their opinions. They all responded with “these all sound good, just pick one”.  I guess I never really picked one. For a while I tried to write every day but something always came up that didn’t allow me the time I needed to get it done. So then I tried once a week, that didn’t always work either. Over the past 5 years I have written very sporadically mostly when something significant happened in my life(important anniversaries, ridiculous or ironic conversations in grocery store lines, unexpected death or change) Never consistent and never what any of my original plans looked like. I decided to look at the stats. There are at least 15 people who read this blog every.single.time something is posted. That is awesome, thanks for coming back! As I looked at th...

My mom made this for me for my ordination June 30, 2007 Wow I can’t believe tomorrow I return to work!!  These 64 days away have brought much relaxation and renewal. They have given me the opportunity to reflect on the past 11 years of congregational ministry as well as time to discern what God has  in store  for the future. Did I do all the things I planned to do while on sabbatical? No, not really. Was I able to do some things I didn’t think were possible? Yes and I am thankful. I spent time with friends and family, which rejuvenated my soul. I spent time making new friends, who reminded me of the vastness of God’s table. I spent with God, not only in prayer but in the laughter of my nephew and niece, in hugs from friends I hadn’t seen in years, and even in the sweetness of tears as I headed West to return home last week. Of all the things I learned while on sabbatical, the most important is to make the time. Make the time for the people who are important t...

September 19(posted on the 20 th ) Day Fifty 50/51 I realized this morning when I woke up that today is Sunday. This means that yesterday was Saturday and I forgot to write and post this blog. The days of the week all run together when they are not marked by a daily work routine. I have had a routine don't get me wrong (get up, some yoga stretches, breakfast with mom…etc). Which is good sabbatical, in my understanding, is supposed to get me out of my regular normal routine so when I return to it I am recharged and refueled and ready to run(both literally and figuratively).  I have done such a wonderful job at deviating from my “normal” routine that I rarely know what day of the week it is. That has been a blessing. I am however ready to begin transitioning, just a little bit, into a more normal daily routine. This will begin by returning to my normal time zone!! I will be doing a great deal of traveling this week so I ask for your prayers while I am on the highways and...

Tonight I am writing from a place I have called “home” for many years. Cedar Lakes Conference Center in Ripley WV. This is the place where I attended church camp and in later years counselled and directed those same camps. It is a Holy place for me even though it is not a “church” camp. This time I am here in a slightly different capacity. A daughter come home, not a wayward  wanderer  but a child of God who was given both roots and wings in the most sacred of ways in the most sacred of places. I am here in this place as the keynote speaker for the WV Disciples Women’s Spiritual Life Retreat. I am in awe, and I’m not sure why, at how the Spirit of God has been at work these past few days. I should back up, before arriving here Friday afternoon I spent a whirlwind weekend in Kansas City celebrating the marriage of dear friends, I stayed up way to late with one of my oldest, closest, bestest friend talking about life even though we already know everything about each other’s...

Just over three weeks at the shore brought me many new friends and experiences, it enriched my soul, and most importantly reminded me of my call to ministry. It was however not good for the soles of my feet. Don’t tell my physical therapist but he was right flip flops, for people with bone spurs on their heels, are of the "devil". Pain in both heels is a small price to pay however to be reminded of God's greatness in a world that often seems less than great. In less than 5 minutes of reading the news of the day it is easy to become discouraged. It is easy to think no one, not even God "has it together".  I was reassured over and over however, that for every negative we might see or experience in the world around us there are more acts of kindness and humility  that we don't see. If we want to know that more good than bad is happening in the world we have to be part of making it happen. While without out doubt God "has it together" much more than ...

I arrived at St. Mary Tuesday afternoon after an uneventful adventure on the train and overnight stay in Atlantic City. I was greeted by Sister Pat, she helped me figure out what room I had been assigned, got me my linens, and apologized several times that the elevator was out of service. Luckily for me, I brought my camping backpack and it was only two flights of stairs. My room is on the East(ocean) side of the house. Nice breeze, beautiful view of the statue of Mary from my window and from the porch the ocean. My room for the next 3 weeks Welcome Sign From the porch From my bedroom window I had some time to settle in and walk around the point before the volunteer meeting. Because my family has spent many summers at this beach it feels in a way like coming home. I don’t feel anxious about meeting the other volunteers or Sisters. We opened our meeting with prayer and laughter, as you know those are two of my favorite things. I knew from that moment this was goin...

As the first week of sabbatical ends I reflect on my time. I spent it with family and friends, sharing in laughter and hugs, food and festivities, and unforgettable memory making! I’ve prayed, read, and sat in the beauty of God’s creation. I caught up on TV shows I hadn’t watched in a while and saw an incredible play (staring one of my most favorite people in the world). It is hard to believe the first week is over but the adventure is just beginning! Week Two (8/8-8/15) Hope for the week: I hope as I leave for 3 weeks at St Mary By the Sea, I continue to remain open to God’s voice in my life. Is there an Answer (last week’s question): Where will I see God unexpectedly this week? God showed up unexpectedly in a conversation with one of the sisters I ate lunch with at St. Joseph Convent/Retreat Center. It was the anniversary of the day she took her vows to become a nun. It was inspiring, reassuring, and most definitely God-filled.   Question of the Week: How wi...

8 years ago(yesterday) I was Ordained into the Order of Christian Ministry in the West Virginia Region of Christian Church(Disciples of Christ). It was a day filled with bagpipes and preaching, singing and laughing, praying and crying, hugging and even some dancing! It was a blessed day in my opinion and one I will forever remember in my heart, mostly because there are very few pictures. I don’t need pictures to remember the words spoken out of love for me and for the Church. 11 years ago, in August/September, I began serving in congregational ministry while in seminary, in Lexington, Kentucky. Those were 3 of the greatest years of my life. I learned so much not only in the classroom but from the congregation and friends out at the pub(LTS had Pub Theology…before Pub Theology was a recognized thing). 17(or so) years ago I stepped forward during closing vespers at CYF Conference at Bethany College, in Bethany WV to affirm and confirm God's call in my life to serve the church ...

A year ago this week I heard five words from a person that changed my life forever. Those words “I can’t do this anymore”, cut like a knife. Three and a half years and everything changed sitting in the parking lot of a restaurant not yet open for the day. A-flipping-parking-lot. I had wanted to say similar words but never found the right time. There were always too many people around or not enough time to have an honest conversation about why those words were being said. In that moment I wish I had made the time. I wish I had force myself to have the conversation even if it meant telling family and friends we had to leave wherever it was we were at that moment. In that moment, while hurt beyond belief because no one wants to be told they aren’t wanted, more than I was hurt I was angry. Angry that he said it first. Angry that we were having this conversation in a parking lot and then continued it while driving 65MPH down I35. Do I wish things were different? Do I wish I could g...

As some of you might already know I am gearing up for a 2 month sabbatical. I will be working on a writing project as part of this sabbatical. I have created two surveys to help me with this project. I would invite you, if you are reading this blog, to click on the links below and fill them out! Your help is much appreciated. If you are a member of my congregation and you read this blog, if I try to give you a paper copy of these same surveys and you HONESTLY have already filled them out online, just tell me and I won't "make" you fill them out again! Either way,  I ask that you fill out the surveys with an open mind and an open heart, allowing yourself to reflect on your current worship practices.  It is my hope, from these surveys, to create a worship resource for individuals and families to grow in their spiritual life. This resource will have common and perhaps uncommon spiritual practices that will encourage you to grow in your prayer and worship life. I hope this r...

The turning point I often catch myself think “what if” when I reflect on major turning points in my life. What if I had chosen Hiram over Mount Union when I was deciding what college to go to? What if I had stayed home the summer of 2003 instead of working at Camp Cedar ?  What if I had gone to United Seminary instead of Lexington ? What if…what if… What if the disciples had gotten it the first time Jesus tried to tell them what was going to happen to him? What if God had decided there was another way when Jesus prayed in the garden? Perhaps you, like I, spend a good bit of time on the “what ifs” when we really don't need to. When we find ourselves at a turning point and we have weighed all the what if’s and might be’s and make the decision to go left, right, forward, backward, or stand still…that then becomes the known, not the what if. The turning point has past and we are now headed in a new and different direction than before. For me, Wednesday of Holy Week...

A prayer for the Tuesday of Holy Week Giving God as we get closer to the day Christ shared a last meal with his friends; remind us to be thankful for those we gather around the table with this week. Show us opportunities to invite new people to join us at the table Jesus prepared for all. Merciful God, as each step of this day takes us closer to Friday remind us of the steps Christ took with a heavy cross on his back. Give a chance to carry the burden of another so they might know Christ through our actions. As we move ever mindfully into Easter morning remind us that we are forgiven. Help us forgive those who because of your love deserve our forgiveness too. Have mercy on us O God, break into our lives and teach us to live in ways that are pleasing and acceptable to you. Amen.

God calls us to corporate worship but sometimes, like when the roads are covered in ice and snow it is better to stay home and be safe. You are invited to worship at home today with your family or on your own. A couple of items you can use if you’d like but are not required- a candle, a Bible, symbols of communion(whatever you have available-crackers and juice of some kind would be great- a slice of bread and water work well too-coffee and pastries, if you’re in a real pinch) Set your worship space, light the candle, turn in your Bible to Matthew 6:7-21 ******************************************************************************************************* Centering prayer O Holy One, be with present in this time of worship, safe in the confines of this home. Be with those traveling in conditions that raise anxiety. Hear the voices of your faithful this day. Amen. The scripture reading today comes from the Gospel of Matthew. Take a few minutes and read it aloud. Matth...