Braving The Waters

 It is hard to believe that a decade has passed since I stood in front of a church filled with my family and friends and said the vows that brought me into the Order of Christian Ministry. Time flies even if all of it hasn’t been fun. The past 10 years have been a roller coaster . The past 10 years have been terrifying. The past 10 years have been exciting. The past 10 years have been exhausting. The past 10 years have been overwhelming. The past 10 years have been amazing. I thought on my 5 th anniversary I wrote a blog about the top 5 things from the first 5 years but I must have dreamed it or not posted it or somehow lost it on the inter-webs  (according to some people that can happen you know hahaha). So this year in honor of my 10 th anniversary I would like to share 10 of my favorite memories from the last 10 years. It’s a pretty generic list because there is no way to boil 10 years of ministry into 10 exact memories, so here they are. 10 memories. ...

Holy cow, it's been 5 years!  When I decided to begin writing a blog I wasn’t really sure what it would look like. I sent several possible “this is what/how I am going to do with this blog” to some friends to get their opinions. They all responded with “these all sound good, just pick one”.  I guess I never really picked one. For a while I tried to write every day but something always came up that didn’t allow me the time I needed to get it done. So then I tried once a week, that didn’t always work either. Over the past 5 years I have written very sporadically mostly when something significant happened in my life(important anniversaries, ridiculous or ironic conversations in grocery store lines, unexpected death or change) Never consistent and never what any of my original plans looked like. I decided to look at the stats. There are at least 15 people who read this blog every.single.time something is posted. That is awesome, thanks for coming back! As I looked at th...

The first week back was not a quiet week by all means but not the “all hell breaking loose” kind of week I had anticipated. It was as typical as any week can be in congregational ministry with the added bonus of a 300+ email inbox! I joked with several people on Sunday that I am going to go away more often because I was feeling all the love before, during, and after worship. It is truly wonderful to be back among the beautiful people of God I serve here in Oskaloosa.  Sunday I reached my hug quota times 1,000 I am sure. Monday and Tuesday launched me into deep “pastor mode” with hospital visits, staff meeting, and evening prayers with a few people. Wednesday I was quickly reminded of the amazing work our church does for and with children and youth (I also reached my hug quota without doubt) and was warmly welcomed back into the choir fold! Thursday brought meetings and sermon prep (Job 23, if you’re interested). Friday and Saturday brought both time for being with friends, fin...

My mom made this for me for my ordination June 30, 2007 Wow I can’t believe tomorrow I return to work!!  These 64 days away have brought much relaxation and renewal. They have given me the opportunity to reflect on the past 11 years of congregational ministry as well as time to discern what God has  in store  for the future. Did I do all the things I planned to do while on sabbatical? No, not really. Was I able to do some things I didn’t think were possible? Yes and I am thankful. I spent time with friends and family, which rejuvenated my soul. I spent time making new friends, who reminded me of the vastness of God’s table. I spent with God, not only in prayer but in the laughter of my nephew and niece, in hugs from friends I hadn’t seen in years, and even in the sweetness of tears as I headed West to return home last week. Of all the things I learned while on sabbatical, the most important is to make the time. Make the time for the people who are important t...

September 19(posted on the 20 th ) Day Fifty 50/51 I realized this morning when I woke up that today is Sunday. This means that yesterday was Saturday and I forgot to write and post this blog. The days of the week all run together when they are not marked by a daily work routine. I have had a routine don't get me wrong (get up, some yoga stretches, breakfast with mom…etc). Which is good sabbatical, in my understanding, is supposed to get me out of my regular normal routine so when I return to it I am recharged and refueled and ready to run(both literally and figuratively).  I have done such a wonderful job at deviating from my “normal” routine that I rarely know what day of the week it is. That has been a blessing. I am however ready to begin transitioning, just a little bit, into a more normal daily routine. This will begin by returning to my normal time zone!! I will be doing a great deal of traveling this week so I ask for your prayers while I am on the highways and...

Tonight I am writing from a place I have called “home” for many years. Cedar Lakes Conference Center in Ripley WV. This is the place where I attended church camp and in later years counselled and directed those same camps. It is a Holy place for me even though it is not a “church” camp. This time I am here in a slightly different capacity. A daughter come home, not a wayward  wanderer  but a child of God who was given both roots and wings in the most sacred of ways in the most sacred of places. I am here in this place as the keynote speaker for the WV Disciples Women’s Spiritual Life Retreat. I am in awe, and I’m not sure why, at how the Spirit of God has been at work these past few days. I should back up, before arriving here Friday afternoon I spent a whirlwind weekend in Kansas City celebrating the marriage of dear friends, I stayed up way to late with one of my oldest, closest, bestest friend talking about life even though we already know everything about each other’s...

Just over three weeks at the shore brought me many new friends and experiences, it enriched my soul, and most importantly reminded me of my call to ministry. It was however not good for the soles of my feet. Don’t tell my physical therapist but he was right flip flops, for people with bone spurs on their heels, are of the "devil". Pain in both heels is a small price to pay however to be reminded of God's greatness in a world that often seems less than great. In less than 5 minutes of reading the news of the day it is easy to become discouraged. It is easy to think no one, not even God "has it together".  I was reassured over and over however, that for every negative we might see or experience in the world around us there are more acts of kindness and humility  that we don't see. If we want to know that more good than bad is happening in the world we have to be part of making it happen. While without out doubt God "has it together" much more than ...

The weeks are running together because of the timing of when retreats start and end. I began my “3 weeks” on a Tuesday but my 6 day retreat began on a Thursday…When I posted last Saturday I was almost 2 days into my retreat. Now, as I sit here typing this reflection, I am 2 days out of my retreat back into to volunteering (believe or not I am washing dishes and cleaning bathrooms again). The 6 day retreat was a wonderful experience. It was time spent deepening my understanding and belief that all things are part of God’s creation.   We were silent, except for the hour we met in the morning after breakfast, during signing in morning mas, and the hour we met in the evening. You think being quiet and being silent are the same thing until you experience it for yourself. There were a great number of extremely loud silent people on retreat with me. While they weren’t talking, they were stomping through the hallways, shutting doors loudly…I am sure to other I was a very loud quiet ...

Thursday ended my first 10 days of volunteering at St. Mary. After a short trip to town to walk around the mall, a quick load of laundry and a new set of sheets I was ready for the evening supper bell to ring and for my retreat to begin. I posted on Facebook that I would be reflecting on my week of volunteering a friend and colleague wondered how theologically deep one could reflect on cleaning bathrooms and washing dishes…well Jim here we go! Just for clarity, dish washing has never been an enjoyable house hold chore for me.  Another point of clarity, I do my own dishes but I have one of those “fancy automatic washers”, as my grandma would have said so it isn't that terrible. I don't know if it is because I never worked in food service as a teenager, maybe it is some underlying desire to work in food services, I don’t know, it could possibly be a slight undiagnosed case of OCD. Whatever it is, industrial dishwashers have recently started to intrigue me. Their sheer si...

As the first week of sabbatical ends I reflect on my time. I spent it with family and friends, sharing in laughter and hugs, food and festivities, and unforgettable memory making! I’ve prayed, read, and sat in the beauty of God’s creation. I caught up on TV shows I hadn’t watched in a while and saw an incredible play (staring one of my most favorite people in the world). It is hard to believe the first week is over but the adventure is just beginning! Week Two (8/8-8/15) Hope for the week: I hope as I leave for 3 weeks at St Mary By the Sea, I continue to remain open to God’s voice in my life. Is there an Answer (last week’s question): Where will I see God unexpectedly this week? God showed up unexpectedly in a conversation with one of the sisters I ate lunch with at St. Joseph Convent/Retreat Center. It was the anniversary of the day she took her vows to become a nun. It was inspiring, reassuring, and most definitely God-filled.   Question of the Week: How wi...

8 years ago(yesterday) I was Ordained into the Order of Christian Ministry in the West Virginia Region of Christian Church(Disciples of Christ). It was a day filled with bagpipes and preaching, singing and laughing, praying and crying, hugging and even some dancing! It was a blessed day in my opinion and one I will forever remember in my heart, mostly because there are very few pictures. I don’t need pictures to remember the words spoken out of love for me and for the Church. 11 years ago, in August/September, I began serving in congregational ministry while in seminary, in Lexington, Kentucky. Those were 3 of the greatest years of my life. I learned so much not only in the classroom but from the congregation and friends out at the pub(LTS had Pub Theology…before Pub Theology was a recognized thing). 17(or so) years ago I stepped forward during closing vespers at CYF Conference at Bethany College, in Bethany WV to affirm and confirm God's call in my life to serve the church ...

The turning point I often catch myself think “what if” when I reflect on major turning points in my life. What if I had chosen Hiram over Mount Union when I was deciding what college to go to? What if I had stayed home the summer of 2003 instead of working at Camp Cedar ?  What if I had gone to United Seminary instead of Lexington ? What if…what if… What if the disciples had gotten it the first time Jesus tried to tell them what was going to happen to him? What if God had decided there was another way when Jesus prayed in the garden? Perhaps you, like I, spend a good bit of time on the “what ifs” when we really don't need to. When we find ourselves at a turning point and we have weighed all the what if’s and might be’s and make the decision to go left, right, forward, backward, or stand still…that then becomes the known, not the what if. The turning point has past and we are now headed in a new and different direction than before. For me, Wednesday of Holy Week...

A prayer for the Tuesday of Holy Week Giving God as we get closer to the day Christ shared a last meal with his friends; remind us to be thankful for those we gather around the table with this week. Show us opportunities to invite new people to join us at the table Jesus prepared for all. Merciful God, as each step of this day takes us closer to Friday remind us of the steps Christ took with a heavy cross on his back. Give a chance to carry the burden of another so they might know Christ through our actions. As we move ever mindfully into Easter morning remind us that we are forgiven. Help us forgive those who because of your love deserve our forgiveness too. Have mercy on us O God, break into our lives and teach us to live in ways that are pleasing and acceptable to you. Amen.

Some might say I am too young to know have experienced real heartache. Others might say I’m too sensitive and I need to toughen up. But those who know me best (you know who you are) might tell you that if you come into my life and you need love, I will passionately and enthusiastically give it to you. I love to the extreme and without measure and because of this often experience heartache. Obviously, different kinds of people receive different kinds of love from me but regardless of the kind of love you receive it will often be to the extremist of degrees. I don’t love the stranger who comes into my office needing gas money or groceries the same way that I love my family. I don’t love my family the same way I love my dog. You get the point. While I love fervidly and sometimes without much regard to my own well-being, my love is never lackadaisical or careless even if that sounds like a contradiction in terms. When another person’s heart or well-being are on the line, I try never ...

I don’t want to whine and complain. I don’t want to sound ungrateful for the rest I do get, because this statement of “I’m tired” is not really about my physical body being tired. While it is tired on occasion because I stay up too late and get up too early, this tiredness that I am feeling goes deeper, into the depths of my soul. So maybe I should say “my soul is tired” My soul tired of holding on. My soul is tired of constantly rearranging my life so that it works for others. My soul is tired of hearing that God has abandoned us. My soul is tired of seeing pain in the lives of those I love. My soul is tired of continually searching for a way to rest. Because I am aware that my soul is tired I am also aware that I am the only one who can find the rest I need for myself (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). So While my soul is tired of holding on- I seek to find healthy ways to let go. And while my soul is tired of rearranging my life- I work toward...

Over the past 10 years of pastoral ministry I have had the privilege to sit behind several Communion Tables. To preside at the Lord’s Supper is, I think, one of the most extraordinary things a minister can lead for her congregation. In lifting and break the bread and lifting and pouring the cup, reminding all who are gathered what Christ did for each of them, a minister is given the opportunity to look out into the heart of the congregation. In those moments after the Elders have distributed the trays to the Diaconate (in my tradition we pass trays filled with pieces of bread and cups of juice) I have been given the special opportunity to look everyone participating in worship. Over the years I have seen couples holding hands, children kneeling on the floor coloring a page from worship totes, mothers and grandmothers holding new babies, and others siting like statues eyes closed deep in prayer…or maybe they are asleep. I don’t watch the congregation in a creepy “I’m watching you” k...

I discovered it this morning, a small lake forming in my backyard and on my patio. It will be interesting to let my dog out in the morning when the temperature drops below freezing again tonight and the lake becomes an ice rink. It reached 46°F today. Of course some people thought it was summer and left their coats and the bottom half of their pants (they seriously had shorts on) at home.  I am thinking in the next few weeks as everything continues to thaw and refreeze and thaw again it might be a good idea to keep your long pants where you can find them, your coat readily accessible, and if like me your backyard is turning into a lake or small pond you will be given the prime opportunity to teach your dog to skate on the ice and swim in the lake. Regardless of what the weather does over the next few weeks remember that no matter what- Spring will be here on March 20th!

It has been some time since I read the poem The Invitationby Oriah Mountian Dreamer .  So I read it again this morning as I thought about a conversation I had last night. As I read it and reread it, the last few stanzas caught my attention. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. I have not always been able to stand in the fire and not shrink back. I have not always been able to put a name to what sustains me when everything else in my life fails. I have not always been comfortable enough in my own skin to be alone and enjoy my own company. However over time I have...