Yesterday afternoon I was in the middle of fleshing out a great blog
idea. In the midst of my typing frenzy I didn’t pay attention that my fingers
were typing faster than the words were appearing on the screen. It didn’t faze
me at all, apparently that my thoughts were not being put on the page; my
fingers were moving, the thoughts were flowing, but nothing was happening on
the screen.
When I realized what was happening, instead of picking up a
pen and continuing with my thoughts on paper, I tried frantically to “unfreeze”
my computer by hitting everything from the escape button to ctrl/alt/del.
Nothing worked.
Finally I pulled the plug- knowing that nothing from
the past ten minutes had been recorded OR saved but praying all the same that
it would appear when the document was reopened.
I turned the computer back on, opened the document, and then
shook my head because what I had thought would be true was…just the opening
statement remained.
I sat and stared at the screen for a few minutes willing myself to begin typing my thoughts again, but nothing came. Seriously- the
Spirit, the inspiration to what I was writing was gone just like that. After
what seemed like hours but was really only minutes I closed the screen, leaned
back in my chair and thought “if only.”
If only my computer hadn't frozen you all would be reading a
totally different blog right now, if only the inspiration the Spirit of that
blog idea could have held on while I dealt with my temperamental computer, if
only, if only, if only…
If only I had picked up the pen that is ALWAYS to the left
of my computer on top of an ALWAYS open notepad…if only I had reacted
differently to the Spirit.
How often do we find ourselves frozen in life, in work, in
ministry- our fingers are working, the thoughts are flowing, but NOTHING
fruitful is being recorded or saved. How often do we become frozen in a time,
place, or mindset that we can’t move in any direction? How often do we blame
our unmoving-ness on someone or something else?
Go back up a few lines in this blog; that’s right I do it
too. The computer, the Spirit, the pen, the paper it has to be something else’s
fault that I didn’t get to write the blog I wanted to write yesterday.
Clearly my response to the situation was not the optimum response.
If I could rewind I would clearly pick up the pen and write out my thoughts,
knowing that I could type them into this blog later. Clearly I did not listen
and was not open to the moving of the Spirit in that moment (unless I could use
my computer).
The lesson I learned and continue to learn almost daily is (what has always been and always will be at the crux of the gospel) not my time
but God’s time through the activation of the Spirit. Whether my computer is
ready or not, whether I want to move or not, whether I am comfortable with a
change or not; if the signs are there that the Spirit of God is moving (like-
your fingers typing or your thoughts flowing) if something stops working(like
the computer) it doesn’t mean the job is done, it doesn’t mean the Spirit is
finished, it means WE- you and I- have to be ready to pick up a pen, or forge a
new path, start a new project or revision an existing ministry. We can’t stay focused on the frozen
computer or the Spirit will move on to someone or something who is ready to move, change, and grow on her terms not theirs!
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